


5 Degrees of Love (Love again)

by caramelsun



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Character Death, Childhood Friends, College, First Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, Light Angst, M/M, Marriage, Slice of Life, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 09:38:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17485724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caramelsun/pseuds/caramelsun
Summary: Donghyuck meets 4 people in his life that introduces him to different kinds of love.Or in which Donghyuck loves again and again and again.





	5 Degrees of Love (Love again)

**Author's Note:**

> i have come to warn you that this isn't beta-ed(?) yet. i probably will after my exams which is like in a month.  
> Inspired by Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye's [When Love Arrives](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPG6nJRJeWQ) please check it out!

Tiny toddler Donghyuck’s whole life revolved around playing with his golden retriever puppy, Miso, and staying indoors as he watches his favorite afternoon cartoons. On good days, which is seventy percent of the days in Jeju, Donghyuck would be allowed to roam around their tiny backyard and chase after Miso under the gentle heat of the sun. But on bad days, when the sun decides to hide beneath dark thick nimbus clouds, and the raindrops continuously hit the dry grounds, Donghyuck stays inside and eats his favorite pudding together with a cup of hot chocolate in front of their television. Donghyuck was content with how he spent his days. He was content with the life on their yard and under the sheets in front of their television.

But that all changes when the new kid arrives in the neighborhood. He arrives with Korean heavily influenced by an unknown accent that Donghyuck has never heard. The new kid is small, eyes behind square frames around thick lenses, eyes as big as how he would describe his teddy bear's eyes and a smile so shy, it looked too pure. Donghyuck doesn’t know how to make friends, he never really had friends since he was surrounded by houses with elders. So when his family crosses the street and knocks on their door to welcome them to the neighborhood, Donghyuck sticks his tongue out to the boy and declares war the moment the new kid opens the door.

“I’m the cutest and handsomest boy here! Stay a loser, loser!” Donghyuck then runs back to their house with a slam of the door on his wake. The new boy just blinks and stares, politely says hello to the couple, and invites them in.

And that is how they started, with a declaration of war and slamming of doors. But that’s just the beginning of a friendship thay will last for years. 

The new kid's name is Mark and he moved back to Korea from Canada. Not even days after he moved to the neighborhood, they were already the best of friends. The war pushed past behind them because even Donghyuck thinks Mark is cute, cuter than his dog, Miso. But he’ll never admit that to Mark of course.

They grow up into two fine young teenage boys, Mark growing taller than than the younger as each day passes by. Mark was starting to lose his baby fats around his cheeks and his round eyes were no more round but the shape of almonds. Mark was maturing, way faster than Donghyuck. But Donghyuck wasn’t even jealous. He never got mad that Mark was turning into someone the whole school would soon have a crush on because he himself liked it. He liked watching his eyes disappear whenever Donghyuck cracks a lame joke or when Mark would crunch his cute little nose when he starts to concentrate on something. Donghyuck likes watching everything that Mark does.

Donghyuck meets love in 7th grade. By meet, he means he realized he loves Mark in 7th grade. Love was foreign to a young Donghyuck. He has barely started middle school when he realized that he was in love with his childhood friend and bestfriend. Love was new. He didn’t know how to respond to the realization he had so he sucks it in, pretends that the warm feeling that blooms in his chest whenever he sees Mark down the hallways was all his imagination. He pretends that love isn’t there.

Middle school passes by in a swift. Soon, Mark will be graduating. Mark is a year ahead of Donghyuck so they never got to be in the same class but Mark never fails to show up for lunch because apparently, that’s what bestfriends do. Mark will also be by the entrance of their school, hands in his pockets as he waits for Donghyuck so they could walk home together.

Everything that Mark did makes butterflies swarm in his belly and his mind go to different scenarios as he wonders if this is what bestfriends really do. But Mark said so so he’ll do nothing and just believe.

Mark’s already in his final year of middle school but Donghyuck doesn’t worry because Highschool’s just on the other side of the road, just across their middle school. Mark could still fetch him before they go home. Sometimes they’d take the bus and listen to Donghyuck’s playlist which is nothing but Michael Jackson songs, but sometimes they’d walk and take a detour to the beach to watch the sun as it dips below the waves as sunset disappears and twilight enters. There are also times that Mark has his guitar with him and they’d spend hours under the blanket of stars singing songs from their parent’s times. Donghyuck isn’t worried because bestfriends forever, right? This is their norm and he is contented with it all.

But what they both don’t know is Mark is moving right after middle school to Seoul.

“It’s not that far,” Mark whispers as they sit by the beach, watching the waves come rolling to the shore. “I’ll visit during summers.”

Donghyuck stays silent. Mark is graduating the next day and moving to a new city in two days. He didn’t know what to say. His mind is in puddle of thoughts, unsaid feelings, raw emotions and words he could never string together to form coherent sentences. His chest is heavy, he could feel his heart breaking into tiny million pieces as the sun comes down as if it was a timer, telling him he only had a few moments left with Mark.

“Hey, say something,” Mark’s voice was pleading, eyes on Donghyuck as Donghyuck remains silent and still.

“I don’t want you to go,” Donghyuck’s begins.

“I don’t want you to leave me here. I don’t want you to go to the city and start a new life without me. I just-“

Mark moves closer, arms wrapping around the younger’s shoulders.

“I just don’t want you to forget me.”

They stay silent as the last rays of the sun slips under the horizon and the early beginning of the stars slowly light up the sky.

“I’ll never forget you.” They sit there with sobs escaping their lips and shoulders bobbing up and down as their tears fall down their cheeks until their parents find them. They usher them home, whispering apologies to their sons, promising them everything will be better and nothing’s gonna change between them.

The next day, Mark graduates on top of his class and a smiling Donghyuck waiting for him in the chairs. Donghyuck contemplates on whether he’ll finally acknowledge the feelings buried deep within him. He contemplates on whether to let Mark go and continue on pretending or to finally face the growing seed planted in his chest the moment he saw Mark dragging his trolley bag to their new house across the street.

He chooses the latter and hugs Mark as soon as the ceremony ended, a pat on his shoulder and a tight squeeze of his hand.

“Congratulations, Mark Lee,” Donghyuck says in English so heavily laced with Korean accent that Mark did nothing but tease him on their whole ride home.

Mark and his family leaves on the break of dawn, their car’s trunk filled with their luggage and furniture transported by the moving company a couple of days ago. Donghyuck doesn’t have the guts to say goodbye face to face in the fear of breaking down again. So he watches them from the windows of his room. Mark waves him a goodbye and he reciprocates with a smile. Tears start flowing down his face as soon as Mark ducks and takes a seat behind the driver’s. He just hopes for the best for the both of them.

Donghyuck’s first love ends without it even starting.

The next time Donghyuck finds Love is during his last year of highschool. Love this time is tall, a full head taller than him with a goofy smile and a loud voice. Love is different from Mark. Love doesn’t listen to Michael Jackson. Love prefers walking rather than taking the bus. 

Donghyuck takes months or maybe years to fully get over Mark. Mark is enjoying his newfound life in Seoul while Donghyuck is stuck in their little island filled with tourists.

Donghyuck’s life comes back to a monochromatic palette with his life and school home. He goes out of the house only to come back home the moment he hears the last bell of the day. He goes back to staying in his room, MJ blasting in his speakers and books splayed across the floor.

Until one day, a tall guy with a face that could launch a thousand ships bumps into him and creates a mess with his food in the cafeteria. It was obviously the guy’s faults but he was in no mood to argue and quarrel so he gets up, cleans the mess and goes back to his classroom with an empty stomach.

Donghyuck’s next Love turns out to be a transferee from overseas, held back a year because of too much moving from one country to another.

The day after the cafeteria incident, the boy goes from room to room looking for him. When he does find the room, he half walks half jogs to where a sleeping Donghyuck sits.

His seat is right beside the window so the breeze would usually be there to gently coax him into slumber once break starts.

Donghyuck wakes up to a light tap on his shoulder and a small intentional cough coming from above. The first thing his sees is a lunchbox the color of blue and next is the hand holding it, big boned hands with long fingers and thick nails embedded on them, and definitely hands he did not recognize. He looks up to find the boy from yesterday.

“I’m sorry for yesterday,” the boy tilts his head and scratches the back of his neck, a blush beginning to show on his tanned skin. “I got this for you as an apology for yesterday.”

Donghyuck blinks once, twice and maybe three times. He’s lost count as he stares at the boy’s handsome face.

“There’s really no need. I wasn’t looking where I was going so I was the one at fault,” Donghyuck reaches under his table and pulls out the lunch box he brought, “and I’ve got this already.”

The boy stares in a dumbfounded way and lets go of an awkward laugh, “I see- I guess- uhm, maybe.”

Donghyuck stares back as he watches the boy’s face get even redder from what Donghyuck could only guess as embarrassment, feeling sorry for the said boy, he asks him a question, “Have you eaten yet?”

He shakes his head.

“Then take a seat in front of me. You can eat that while I eat mine,” Donghyuck gestures to the seat in from of him as he opens his lunchbox, “I’m Donghyuck by the way and you are?”

The boy takes a seat, gives him a smile and proceeds on introducing himself, “I’m Lucas.”

And that’s how Donghyuck meets Love again at the age of 18.

Turns out, Love doesn’t have to be the same as the last Love. Because this time, Love doesn’t play the guitar but the piano. This time, Love likes going to concerts and listening to indie bands and is so bad at dancing they’d step on each other’s foot half of the time.

“I’m outside, by the tree on your lawn,” Lucas says on the phone as Donghyuck finishes up styling his hair.

“I’ll be there in a sec,” Donghyuck hangs up and slams the door to his bedroom shut, “Mom, I’m going to Jungwoo hyung’s house! I’ll call before coming home. I’m not eating here!”

Donghyuck runs outside as he hears his mom yell take care from the kitchen. Lucas was there to take him to his first ever concert. His parents still don’t know he likes and dates boys so he’s resorted to lying about his dates.

“Ready for a fun night?” Lucas takes his hand and walks to the bus stop. Lucas isn’t really fond of commuting, he’s more of long walk type of guy but he knows Donghyuck hates walking long distances so they take the bus. The bus isn’t as crowded as the days when he takes them to school. They find a seat and watch outside as the bus moves past trees and houses only to be met by the view of the sea. Donghyuck still loves the sea, he still likes walking down the shore and watching the waves crash on the fine sands of the beach.

That night, Donghyuck experiences his first real kiss, not just the hasty peck on the lips type of kiss but a kiss that would turn the younger Donghyuck into a blushing mess. But the first time isn’t always magical. They’re first kiss was a mess, less lips brushing each other but more of their teeth getting in the way. But the second kiss is where all the fireworks begin. Donghyuck feels the electricity run through his veins the moment Lucas meets his lips. The warmth that he thought was never returning comes back with so much intensity that he loses his breath.

Donghyuck laughs into their second kiss because it reminds him of them. They weren’t the silent and loving type of couple, they were more of a couple who had contrasting personalities and would always have a small fight but love always triumphs. Love would always be with them at the end of the day.

Lucas and Donghyuck graduates together, ready than ever to face the world as long as they’ve got each other.

Donghyuck starts college with a bounce on his step and a smile widely stretched on his face. He’s finally out of his hometown and ready to face the world, but he starts with Seoul. He and Lucas both got into the best university in Seoul but on different majors. Donghyuck has decided to choose the life of music by enrolling as a music major while Lucas sticks with accounting to inherit his father’s business.

Life as a college student isn’t as smooth as what they both thought. They relied on love alone and skipped on their dates, ignoring missed calls and messages as the wrath of unforgiving professors dump homeworks and paperworks on them. They thought love could conquer all but they were wrong, because love is never enough. They forgot that in order to make love stay, conscious effort is a must.

So love drifts silently away as they bury their heads in report and isolate themselves in practice rooms. Love doesn’t even say goodbye. One day, they just wake up, call each other to meet and confirm its absence.

They didn’t break up like how couples usually do. It all happened naturally- they sit down for a meal, look at each other and search for the overdue words in each other’s eyes.

They sit there in silence as the half-eaten food turns cold, they knew what is coming but maybe they need each other’s presence even just for a while as they have been each other’s comfort zones for a couple of years.

“So this is it, huh?” Donghyuck laughs as a hint of smile starts showing on Lucas’s lips.

“Never really thought we’d reach the end like this.”

“Same here. But we both we’re lacking in this relationship. It’s about time, I guess.”

“And effort,” Lucas adds.

“And effort.”

They leave the restaurant, separating by the door as they both head on their own ways. Donghyuck would be lying if he said he didn’t feel hurt and regret with how they ended up but love has his ways. It comes and goes.

Donghyuck meets Love again 3 years after college. He meets Love a thousands miles from his home. He meets Love in a different timezone.

Donghyuck now sings as a job. No, not the ones you see on national television or those pop stars dancing to the beat on stage. But he sings on stage as a character from musical plays. He’s climbed his way to the top even if he has just begun his career.

He meets Love for the third time on his tour to Italy. His production had a collaboration with a Chinese counterpart in a foreign country and it was there when he saw Love again.

This time, Love isn’t tall like Lucas, isn’t as lanky as Mark, but Love is Love. Love takes form in different shapes and sizes and even in different languages.

“Hi, I’m Renjun,” A man a couple of inches smaller than him introduces himself with his hand stretched towards him, waiting for a handshake.

“Donghyuck,” He grabs the man’s hand in a loose grip, “Sorry for the limited Chinese.”

Renjun laughs a hearty laugh earning a blush from Donghyuck, “No worries. I could teach you some Chinese while you’re here. But don’t count on me for some Italian lessons”

That’s how he meets Love again.

Renjun takes him out on midnight dates around the city, right after their practice. He takes him to the museum to marvel at the country’s history. Renjun is calm and composed, unlike Lucas who’s always loud and talkative or Mark who never seems to stop laughing at every little thing. But Donghyuck loves him not any less than the two.

“You know, meeting you is the best part of me going here,” Donghyuck proclaims.

They were out on a park, watching the clouds hover them, blocking their view of the stars and the moon.

“Meeting you is also the best thing that happened to me,” Renjun smiles at him and Donghyuck swears he’s never seen someone was beautiful as Renjun. The way Renjun’s eyes seem to always have that shine in them and the way his lips would reveal a fraction of his teeth. All those things combined always gives his heart a little kick start into a beating mess.

Love sometimes has to end. No matter how much you want Love to stay, sometimes Love just won't.

Donghyuck and Renjun are down to their last show. They’ve been there for 3 months and tonight is the final stage. Flowers and chocolates come their way from fans and musical directors who came to watch their performance. Everyone is in tears as they know it was time to go back home to their respective countries.

Everyone is sad, especially the couple. It’s their last show together and they have their last 3 days in Italy to go around and explore. They’ve decided to go to each and every place they’ve visited. They hop on the bus and retrace their steps. They find themselves on a gondola floating through the famous Venice canals as the man rowing sings them sweet songs in a language they couldn’t even understand.

Next, they visit the leaning tower of Pisa and eat on the green grass as they laugh at tourists attempting to get a perfect photo with an illusion of them pushing the tower. After a meal that got them full, they lie on the mat they had spread and watched the clouds drift away.

“What do we do?”

Donghyuck knows what Renjun is asking about but he retains his façade, “maybe visit St. Mark’s Basilica?”

“Hyuck, you know that’s not what I mean.”

Donghyuck sighs, “I know. I just don’t know what to do, too.”

They lie there in silence, the tourists still coming and leaving, their lives continue as the couple on top of a blue mat tries to figure out how they’re going continue their relationship that was about to be doomed by distance and timezones.

“Let’s go to that church you were talking about,” Renjun gets up and offers Donghyuck a hand.

 

Goodbyes will always be the hardest part of letting someone go. Because saying goodbye is accepting the fate of separating. Especially in the case of Donghyuck and Renjun, because there is no certainty if they’ll ever meet again. They both have their own jobs waiting back home. They both have a home just waiting for their return. None of them can just pack up and move to the other side of the continent just because of love. They’re both realistic persons who knows what to value and what to let go if the time comes. And they’ve both mutually decided to let each other go.

The pair exchange their last hug and the Chinese team leaves before the Korean team. Everyone is watching them with sadness and maybe even pity in their eyes. They’ve seen how love had bloomed between the two men and now they’re seeing how love is torn apart as they ride on their respective planes, each other carrying a half of each other’s heart.

Because Love isn’t everything in the world. Love can be so full of passion but short. And that was the Love between Donghyuck and Renjun, so full of life yet so abrupt, it was burning with so much intensity but distance and time poured a bucket of sand over their raging love.

 

 

The next Love is the Love Donghyuck had always been hoping for, Love that will last for a long time.

Love stayed away for years after Renjun. Donghyuck had casual flings, a few dates here and there but Love never really arrived. But one day, Love came knocking on his door. Literally.

Donghyuck has just moved to his new apartment in the heart of Seoul. The moving was a hassle under the scorching heat of the summer sun. Don’t get him wrong, he loves the sun, absolutely loves the big orange orb above there but he doesn’t appreciate the heat it gives off at summer. Not when he’s carrying boxes of his belongings 3 storeys up a building because out of all the days the elevator decides to fuck up, it's on the day he moves.

The landlord said that the room to his right was currently vacant but the one to his left was occupied. It was actually the one he wanted, a corner room. Too bad though, because the tenant’s been living there for more than a year already.

Life at 30 isn’t really something Donghyuck would call fun. He’s past the age of drinking and clubbing until he passes out. Instead, he enjoys a lazy afternoon in a random café with a coffee on hand and a book on the other.

So when he finally gets all the boxes inside his new home, he takes a bath so he could go out to find the best café in the neighborhood to laze around whenever he doesn’t have a schedule.

He’s already on his way out, looking for his keys and the book he still has to finish when he hears a knock coming from his main door.

Donghyuck thinks it’s the landlord but he remembers that the landlord was on his way out when they talked earlier so he thinks maybe it’s the neighbor.

Donghyuck is right when he opens the door. It is his neighbor but what Donghyuck never thought is maybe the neighbor id cute. And he is cute alright.

The man standing in front of him, a few inches taller and hair the color of raven is definitely cute. No, definitely handsome.

“Hi!” The man gleefully greets him, right hand in the air as a greeting, “I’m your neighbor. Neighbor to the left. Just wanted to introduce myself since looks like we’re the only ones on the floor.”

Donghyuck raises his eyebrows to that. The landlord didn’t mention that. He looks to at the hallway, there’s 5 more doors aside from his and the said neighbor and all of that is empty?

“I’m Jeno by the way. Don’t worry, this place isn’t sketchy or dangerous. The previous occupants were relatives so when they moved out, almost the whole floor was vacated.”

Donghyuck nods and leans on his doorframe, arms crossed over his chest, “I’m Donghyuck and nice to meet you, too.”

“Since you’re new here, want me to tour you around the city?” Jeno offers, a smile on his lips and oh god, Donghyuck thinks, he even has an eyesmile. He’s not even new in the city, just the neighborhood but he’d be crazy to let the invitation pass.

“Yeah sure, let me just get my keys.” Donghyuck rushes to his bedroom and grabs his keys, leaving the book because who has time to read a book when he’s got a whole handsome man to accompany him, right?

Love this time is a whirlwind. They meet, go on dates and the next thing Donghyuck knows, he’s spending the majority of his days in Jeno’s apartment. Some days they’d cook, some days they’d just sit on the sofa, Jeno on his laptop and him on his book. They fit comfortably in the silence of each other’s presence.

Jeno turns out to be a tech specialist and works at home majority of the time. Though Donghyuck thinks he’s the boss so he doesn’t really need to go to the office majority of the time. He also owns 3 cats. Who would have guessed that someone allergic to cats would own not just one but three cats?

Love’s also subtle, shy and gentle. Love will slowly take his hand on his and softly intertwine their fingers. Love will look at him in the eye, will carefully move his hair away from his face and lean in for a soft kiss. Love will also securely hug him in a tight embrace whenever he feels too cold to sleep.

Donghyuck and Jeno have been dating for over a year and Donghyuck is sure that Jeno is finally the love of his life. After going through heartbreaks from separation and falling out of love, Donghyuck finally finds the love that will stay. So when Jeno invites him to the first restaurant they had a date in and drops on one knee with the billion dollar question, he doesn’t even hesitate and shouts yes, earning surprised but happy glances from the tables around them.

Donghyuck pulls Jeno in a hug before Jeno could even put the ring on his finger and kisses him hard on the lips. Love is finally here to stay.

Donghyuck has his hard days sometimes. He looks in the mirror and sees a shadow of what he was once. He sees bags under his eyes, crowfeet wrinkles on the corner of them and eyes starting to lose their sparkle. But Jeno is always there to tell him he’s beautiful no matter what. Jeno’s there to kiss and hug the insecurities away whenever he begins to wallow in his own darkness. Jeno’s there to remind him that he’s special to him and that no one else can compare to him.

But life doesn’t always go your way. 20 years into marriage and life has suddenly decided to rip Donghyuck of his happiness. 20 years into marriage and their love might come to an end.

Jeno’s been having trouble breathing from their daily jog. They didn’t mind it at first, blaming their age for the deterioration of their bodies but a trip to the doctor when Jeno started having chest pains brought nothing but doom to them. Jeno’s heart is dying from a prior sore throat he'd gotten. Apparently, a sorethroat not treated right away could cause an inflammation of the heart muscles.

Donghyuck starts his downward spiral again as he watches Jeno slowly fade away as each day passes by. He should have pushed Jeno to the doctor when he had the sore throat for weeks but Jeno’s constant pouting whenever he brings up the clinic would always have him in defeat. Jeno would always reassure him that it wasn’t anything serious. He’ll just take a rest whenever he feels a fever coming up. And now he has no one to blame but himself. He has failed to be the husband he vowed to be. Now Jeno is dying in front of him.

“Donghyuck,” Jeno calls for him as he wakes up from his sleep on a hospital bed. He’s been there for days. The muscles of his heart was starting to grow weak so he needs to be admitted to a ward. Donghyuck had begged the doctors, find a way for him to get better but the only way for that to happen is for them to find a transplant donor. Donghyuck is 100 percent willing but he knows no sane doctor would operate on him and take out his heart only to give it to someone else, but he still tries. The doctor just shakes his head, Jeno’s condition was far too worse already that the chances of him getting a heart on time was close to impossible.

“Yes, Love?” Donghyuck moves closer, taking a seat beside his husband on the white hospital bed. The room is bleak and lifeless- white walls, faded yellow curtains and a flat screen tv right in front of the bed. “Are you feeling ok?”

Donghyuck removes the hair covering Jeno’s eyes. His face looks so worn out, wrinkles more prominent than before and hair starting to show white strands. Jeno looks older than he truly is. And it breaks Donghyuck’s heart to see him like this.

“I need to tell you something,” Jeno takes Donghyuck’s hand and rubs circle on the back of it, “Please don’t get mad.”

“Why would I be mad?”

“Just please don’t be mad. Promise me,” Jeno brings his hand to his lips, planting a soft kiss on the core of his palm, “promise me you won’t get mad.”

“Why wou-“ Jeno looks at him, the pout that Donghyuck has always been too weak to counter on his lips, “I promise I won’t be mad. Now tell me what you’re thinking.”

“Ok let me finish ok?”

Donghyuck just nods in approval, a crease appearing in between his eyebrows as he gets confused as to what Jeno’s about to say.

“Ok so. How old are we? 52?”

Donghyuck nods again.

“Still young, right? So I want you to promise to me that you won’t spend the rest of your remaining life alone.”

Donghyuck knows exactly where this is going. He knows what Jeno’s trying to say. He’s already saying goodbye and he’s not ready for it, not even a bit.

“I’m not alone, I’ve got Bongshik, So-“

“That’s not what I meant. Donghyuck. Please.”

“Jeno. Why does it feel like you’re already pushing me away? You’re not even dead-“

“Yet.”

“No. As long as you’re breathing and your name is on that list of recipients of a new heart, I won’t give up. Please. Don’t give up yet.”

Donghyuck’s voice starts cracking and his hands are already shaking from withholding his sobs. But the pain is too much, he lets one escape and buries his face on the crook Jeno’s neck.

“I’m not giving up. I still want to be the one who spends the next 50 years with you. I want to be able to wake up beside you when you wake up and tell you how beautiful you are with your sleepy eyes and your bed head. I want to be the one to cook you breakfast whenever you’re in a rush for practice. I want to be there when you take your last show on stage. But I also want you to have someone if I don’t make it.”

Jeno’s voice starts cracking too. His voice shaky as he strokes Donghyuck’s soft hair.

“I want you to not be alone when your darkness comes haunting you back in the middle of the night. I want someone to pick up your broken pieces when I break you after all of this. I want to be that someone badly but we don’t know what the future brings.”

“Let’s not talk about it, please. Jeno, I vowed. I vowed I’ll only love you until my last breathe the same way you vowed that you would to.”

Jeno just holds Donghyuck in his arms as they let the blanket soak in their tears. An hour later, the nurse finds them on the bed, arms around each other and a sad expression on their tear-stained face.

Half a year later, Donghyuck finds himself clad in black and heart in the pit of his stomach as he bids his Love good bye. He stares at Jeno’s peaceful face and prays a silent prayer to God to take care of him.

There will be times that Love will have to say good bye not because he wants to, not because he needs to but because he has no other choice. Because sometimes, Love can’t stay.

Donghyuck is in pieces as he tries to live his life in the absence of Love. He picks them up on his own as he starts his day only to be broken once he gets home to the house they have shared for the last 2 decades and more. He picks them up as he tells his siblings that he’s ok, telling them there’s no need for them to come and visit only for his whole being to shake in sob as he sees their three cats cuddled up in Jeno’s used shirts. He still hasn’t washed them, the scent of Jeno and the hospital still clinging onto the shirt.

But he lives, he continues with the sickening pain getting duller in his chest as he wakes up each day. Some days, Jeno’s words will ring in his ears, telling him to let go of Jeno and maybe find someone else. But his heart will always scream in protest from his chest even in the slightest thought of it.

But Love comes in surprises. Love comes like a plot twist just waiting to be unveiled just around the corner. Because Love returns. No, love doesn’t come because this Love has been here before.

After 2 years of battling life alone and without Jeno, he goes back home to Jeju. He’s greeted with the gentle breeze of the spring morning once he gets off the plane. The smell of fresh air flooding his lungs as he takes in the nature in front of him. It’s been years since he visited Jeju, the last time on his and Jeno’s 15th anniversary.

His siblings greet him back home with open arms in their old house. His already grown nephews and niece are already in highschool, attending his old school.

Being home brings back tons of memories for Donghyuck. How he used to stay out late, watching the waves. Or how he lied to his parents saying he was going to a friend’s house but was instead with his boyfriend, enjoying the noise of the crowd in a small concert. Jeju brings him comfort and a sense of nostalgia that Seoul was never really able to offer.

“Hey Oppa, remember that kid that transferred here? I think he’s back.” His sis tells him as she helps him unpack his stuff to his parent’s room. His old room is already currently being used by the kids in the so his sister offered him the master bedroom which he really had no choice but to accept or he’ll end up sleeping on the sofa.

“Lucas?”

“No. The kid down the street. Mark-oppa.”

Donghyuck almost gets his breath knocked out of him. After decades of not contacting each other, they’re finally meeting again.

Donghyuck’s been in Jeju for 3 weeks and no sign of Mark has presented itself upon him so it was natural for Donghyuck to forget of his existence once again. It’s happened once, it can happen again. But on the night before his birthday, just when summer’s just starting, he decides to visit the beach.

The beach is calm, waves softly rolling and crashing through the sands of the shore. The breeze a gentle blow on Donghyuck’s face.

His heart is still in pieces, and he’s tired of picking them up every day only for it to be broken at a slightest remembrance of Jeno.

He watches the stars, tracing the constellations when he hears his name being muttered.

He turns his head to his right to find a man with hair turning gray and eyes aided by a pair of glasses.

 “Mark.” Donghyuck replies in almost a whisper, still can’t believe that his first bestfriend, first love, and first heart break is really in front of him after all these years.

“Can I take a seat?” Mark gestures to the spot next to him and he nods a yes.

They sit there in silence, soaking in the cold wind and the light casted by the moon.

“Happy Birthday,” Mark says, breaking the silence.

“You remembered,” Donghyuck smiles as he takes a look at Mark.

“Why do you think I’m here? This was our place and I come here whenever I think about you,” Mark’s gaze held emotions Donghyuck could not fathom. Was it sadness? Regret? Pity? Did he hear about his misfortunes?

“Yeah. This was our place.”

“I came back, you know. Right after college.”

“You did?” Donghyuck isn’t even able to hide the shock in his voice. He never heard of Mark returning. He thought he left and never looked back until three weeks ago when he heard that he’s back in town.

“Yeah. I was ready to pick up where we left. Finally tell you my feelings but…”

Donghyuck looks at Mark with confusion and maybe something else like anger and regret written all over his face.

“You came back to tell me what?”

“I came back but I saw that you were already happy.”

“Still. You could have maybe said hello? Or something.”

Donghyuck isn’t sure what to feel. Was it anger? For making him think that the Love he has was one sided? Or sadness because he really did miss his bestfriend. Or was it regret? That they never really had a chance to have that kind of love.

“I was too scared.”

And then silence again, nothing but the sound of the sea.

“But I’m not scared now.”

Mark helps him pick up the pieces one by one. He guides him in the darkness towards a new found light. 

Mark brings him to the coffee shop where they used to buy candies decades ago. Mark plays him the guitar to his favorite Michael Jackson songs. Mark also takes the bus with him with Michael Jackson blasting through their shared earphones.

Love has returned. Love has returned in the form of Mark Lee. But Love will take time. Because a new Love or in this case, a returning Love is not enough to heal a wound as deep as a wound left by a beloved. But Love has patience. So Love waits for him to be ready to open up his heart once again.

Love presents itself in different ways, in different sizes, and in different colors. Love has different characteristics. Love is sometimes calm but Love can also be so full of passion, it burns itself. Love is so different in so many ways that one person encounters different kinds of Love in his whole lifetime.

And that’s how it was for Donghyuck. Love came, Love stayed, Love went away and Love returned.

 

**Author's Note:**

> so yeah critisicms are really accepted. wrote this in like 2 or 3 days and havent even read through it yet. imma read it again after i wake up later.
> 
> And my twt is @NCTenEXO 👉👈


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